Sometimes I need to have more faith...

If you read the previous post, you'll know that I talked a lot about how stressful the last school week was for both me and the students. I was very concerned about their business project. I happen to think this business project was a great assessment of their knowledge of linear programming, so I really wanted them to do well on it. However, considering most of them did not turn their project in on time on Tuesday and seeing that most of them were incomplete, I was very worried. I brought the students' work to my Wednesday night class to discuss how I could have made the project more effective, etc. I got some really great suggestions, and they pointed out to me that maybe they needed more explicit instructions. In other words, maybe the students knew more than I thought but my questions were simply not evocative enough of the ideas I was looking for. I thought... perhaps. But I was not convinced.

However, sometimes I need to have more faith in my students. On Thursday, they gave their oral presentations on the business projects. I was soooo impressed! My class had been correct - they knew a lot more than I thought. Three students gave oral presentations of their own business projects, which was an extra credit assignment. And they were awesome! They were so well informed, and they had really great ideas. The students in the audience asked really good questions. It was a really productive session. What was even more awesome, I think, was that the rest of the students had to debate two different business proposals. And I was worried they were going to run out of points to argue, but again, I underestimated my students. They had so many amazing ideas that had never even occurred to me, and they got way too into the debate (haha). Sometimes they were standing on chairs and yelling at each other. (Okay, yes, it was a bit of a chaotic experience, but I loved it!) They were just so incredibly brilliant. Again, I was so proud. I love my students. And I learned that I sometimes need to give my students a little more credit. :)

Craziness!!

So... last week was spring break - which was totally awesome!!! It was a much needed break from the stresses of the previous week, when I was totally freaked out about applying for jobs. So I spoiled myself with a trip to New York City and spent the rest of the week doing nothing productive. :) Now it's back to the grind... sigh.

Anyway, I was thinking about how stressful my week was before break, but I didn't talk at all about how stressful my students' lives were right before break. Sometimes I forget that my incredibly talented students have ridiculously busy schedules as well, and I need to acknowledge that. We had a crazy schedule. One day the 9th graders all went to the university for Engineering Day, and another day the 9th graders had an all day Humanities exhibition called Afrika Lives! The 11th graders have been in SAT prep, and they spent an entire school day taking a practice test. So besides the fact that we were working all our students like crazy, they also had a billion arts-related events! (We are an absurd school with how much time we require of our students.) The senior theatre majors had their senior showcase, the senior music majors had their senior recitals, and the junior and senior dancers had their spring show. The senior visual arts majors have their show this Thursday, so they've all been in crunch time for a while now. It's really just incredible how much work they do. Oh, and I forgot! They had their talent show the Friday before break. And they all gave amazingly awesome performances. I definitely cried several times. I was such a proud mother.

And on top of all that, my Math 3 students were working on a huge business proposal project, AND I gave them a midterm exam that covered EVERYTHING we've learned this semester. Oy! I feel stressed just thinking about it all. Anyway, I suppose my point in writing all of this is that I felt like I really tried cramming too many things into one week. I felt stressed, and I'm sure the students felt stressed too. Some of them got so overwhelmed that they just shut down and didn't produce any work. Others simply gave very poor performances. And I don't like that I didn't provide them with a productive learning environment. I want my students to feel proud of their work, and I'm not sure they did. They felt rushed, and I felt rushed. I suppose it's simply something I really need to take into consideration in the future. Sometimes life gets in the way, and it's just not always worth it to push forward if the students are not satisfied.

Jobs!

So it's about that time, and I'm applying for jobs. And I'm super nervous!!! I really want to stay teaching at the same place I've been interning, but I'm worried that my hopes are too high. I need to make sure I work super hard this week in order stay organized and motivated. I desperately want this job, and I know I'm perfect for it. But I just need to figure out how to sell myself!

At least I've been able to apply to five jobs thus far. Maybe it'll get my mind off of one specific school and thinking more about other schools. Although, let's be honest, I really already have my heart set. At least I've been organized enough to get those applications together, right?

One of the things I need to deal with is my certification. The DOE website is being weird and telling me I can't reapply for the same license. So I'm super confused. I guess I'll have to call them soon to figure that out. And I'm worried about how my crazy roommate situation will come up during job interviews. There's just too much for me to be stressed about right now!

I'm also really worried because neither my internship or my graduate program ever really taught me how to do lesson plans. And at my school, we collaboratively write a lot of the curriculum. So I don't have many "lesson plans" that are my own. So I'm not sure what I'm supposed to pull to put in my portfolio as I apply to jobs.

I'm also worried about decorating my portfolio or whatever. I want to make sure it stands out, but I also want to make sure it's genuine. I don't want to put some cheesy quote on there that makes me look stupid. So how do I make myself stand out without being ridiculous?

In general, I'm feeling very stressed and overwhelmed by the job search. I guess in part, it's my own fault for putting so much pressure on myself to get this one job. But there's not much I can do about it now that I have my heart set on it. I'm rethinking everything I've done all year and realizing that I haven't been living up to my full potential. I haven't been able to try the new things I've been wanting to try, and I haven't been able to do anything particularly amazing or incredible with my students. In short, I don't feel that I've done a very good job. So it's hard to get my confidence up so I can sell myself! Goodness gracious, I hope I survive this week!