Creating Safe Schools for All

So last Saturday I attended a conference at my university on creating safe schools, specifically surrounding LGBT issues. It was sooo informative. I don't think I'll even be able to describe how much I learned in one day. I'm not sure we went as in-depth as I would have liked, and I still would like to know more about how I can support students who feel threatened due to any sort of bullying, not just around LGBT issues. Anyway, I'll do my best to summarize what I learned.

First of all, we watched a documentary called Straightlaced by Debra Chasnoff. It was all high school students talking about gender; there were no teachers, parents, or other adults. It was eye-opening to hear so many students talking so candidly about gender. See here:

http://groundspark.org/our-films-and-campaigns/straightlaced

Some of my highlights (paraphrased):

A boy says, "You're taught from a very young age that boys wear baggy clothes. That's just how it is. If I saw a guy wearing tight pants at school, I'd probably make fun of him."

A boy says, "I know I can't wear this shirt to school because it's purple, and people will call me gay. But if people just recognized that purple is just a color; it doesn't mean anything."

Another boy says, "Of course it matters what girls wear. If there were two girls, and one was wearing baggy clothes, and the other was wearing tight pants and a tight shirt to show some cleavage, of course I'd choose that girl."

Another boy says, "I wore this scarf to school, and everyone called me gay. But I was just cold."

A girl says, "I was talking to this guy that I was interested in, and he brought up a book I had read. So I started talking about it and what I thought about it, and when I asked him his opinions, he said, 'I can't talk to you anymore.' Guys are intimidated by smart girls."

A boy says (in reference to the above comment), "Yea, what she says is true. If I'm with a girl who's smarter than I am, the rest of the guys will make fun of me. I can't have that."

Another boy says, "When I asked my girlfriend out, I went to great lengths for her. I bought her balloons and chocolate and had rose petals on her desk at school, and the chalkboard said, 'Will you be mine?' All the other guys made fun of me. Even one teacher asked, 'You have to go to that length to get a girl?' But she loved it."

A girl says, "When I finally came out to my mother that I'm a lesbian, she threw me out of the house. I got really depressed, and I got into all these drugs, like meth and cocaine. I was in jail for awhile. But I eventually pulled my act together and ran for student government. But my mom still doesn't speak to me."

A biologically female student says, "I consider myself 'gender queer.' I was born as a girl, but I don't feel like I really fit into either category, and that's all society wants you to do. When I go shopping, it's always a big deal, 'Am I shopping in the women's section or the men's section?' Everything has a gender, from towels to toys to lunch boxes. Even birthday cards have a 'his' and a 'her' section. And I just don't know which box to check."

In other words, we have a lot of issues in high schools dealing with gender, and as teachers, we really need to be aware of them. I often forget that much of the sexual harassment I experience in my life is directly related to these traditional gender roles that are so ingrained in our society. I too often think that we live in a post-sexism society because I have been privileged. I am able to do many things that women in previous generations could not, and I have my parents to thank for that. However, we are still seeing these issues in our schools, and I want to be able to talk to all of my students (women, men, gay, lesbian, transgender, etc.) about how they can empower themselves to fight these stereotypes.

In the afternoon, I went to a workshop called, "There's More to Talk about than Bathrooms: Transgender and Other Non-Conforming Students" or something like that. We talked about all the other issues surrounding transgender students besides which bathroom they should use. I learned a lot of good vocabulary (like gender-neutral pronouns) and the differences between biological sex, gender identity, and gender expression. It's interesting that transgender is always clumped into LGBT, even though most of the issues surrounding transgender students are very different from the issues surrounding lesbian, gay, and bisexual students. One deals with gender identity while the other deals with sexual orientation. I think my favorite point of the afternoon was that the first thing that is asked about you when you're born is, "Is it a boy or a girl?" And regardless, the person who asks the question is still going to say, "Congratulations!" So why does it matter so much? As soon as we're born, we're placed into a category. Why do we need to do that?

Student Motivation

One thing I've really been struggling with is the idea of student motivation. First of all, what do you do with a student who is unmotivated? How can you motivate them? And how do you deal with them in the context of a classroom if they cause a disruption due to their lack of motivation? Secondly, who's to blame for a lack of motivation? Is it really all the student's fault? Or is the teacher not working hard enough to engage that student?

I know these are pretty loaded questions, but that's why I'm in school for this, right?

I feel like the only solution I have seen play out in the school when a student isn't participating and is being disrespectful is to kick the student out of class. I'm not sure how much help that really is. Not only do they miss learning new content, but they also don't seem to be held accountable in any way. How do we as educators talk to them in a way that is encouraging and motivating instead of alienating?

Also, if the student is honestly bored with the material, how is it their fault that they're not interested? Isn't that somewhat the teacher's responsibility? And how do you divide that line? Is it all the teacher's responsibility? Or does the student have to put in some energy and effort too? I think it's clear that both have a role, but it is unclear to me how you enforce that responsibility on both sides.

Thoughts?

Money?

I will be brief with this entry.

Last week, a student asked me if she could have $2. Without thinking, I reached for my wallet and said, "What's it for?"

"Lunch," she responded.

"Will you pay me back?" I asked.

"Sure," she said. So I handed her $2.

It was only in retrospect that I began to wonder if I should have given away my money so easily. It isn't that $2 is a lot of money but rather that I wonder if that breaks the student-teacher boundary. I never would have asked a teacher for money when I was in high school. Yet if my student needs money to each lunch, why would I not give her the money? Sure enough, she has not paid me back, so I probably won't lend her money again without first receiving her payment. However, what if another student asks to borrow money from me? Do I give $2 to every student and hope they'll all pay me back? I'm not really sure what the answer is, nor do I really think it's terribly important in comparison with most issues I write about on here. However, I was looking for some opinions. What do you think?

Teaching for Social Justice

This past week, we (everyone in my program) went through a three-day workshop on Teaching for Social Justice. Now that we're almost two months into the semester, we've been using a lot of terms without really defining them, such as teaching for social justice, multicultural education, and culturally relevant teaching. I felt like I had a general gist of what these terms meant, but I was having a lot of trouble finding a specific definition that would be directly relevant to what I do as a teacher in the classroom. Fortunately, this three-day conference gave me a much better framework for what we mean by teaching for social justice.

We started off discussing some race and gender issues and how our biases come into play in daily circumstances. I thought a lot about how I act on the subway every day, especially at night. I often worry about how I should react to homeless people or people that appear either intellectually disabled or psychologically damaged. I know that most of these people are in these circumstances through no fault of their own, yet they are outcasts of society. We treat them as if they are not human. It's altogether too easy for us to forget how vulnerable we are, and it's even easier to ignore the people that don't seem to matter to us. On the other hand, sometimes I worry about my personal safety at night. I don't want to be a naive young woman who trusts everyone a little too much and ignores obvious warning signs simply for the sake of being more politically correct. I find it difficult to strike this balance sometimes, but regardless, it's important that we are aware of how we interact with people of different genders and races on a daily basis.

The second day we talked about the Holocaust. Sure, sometimes it felt more like a history lesson than useful information to bring into the classroom. However, I think it was a very important reflection for us in the end. We talked not just about all the people who didn't speak out against the Nazis, but we talked about the people who did. Honestly, I had no idea that there were people that publicly protested the Nazis. I thought everything was done underground. But this story about the non-Jewish women who protested when their Jewish husbands had been arrested blew my mind. The Nazis actually let their husbands free! I think it speaks to how we tend to stand up for people who are important to us. On one hand, it makes sense as part of human nature. I'm much more likely to stand up for my brother than for someone I met yesterday. However, as a teacher, I must be an advocate for every single student, no matter their race, ethnicity, gender, or religious preference. I need to put all of that aside (or rather, use it to my advantage) and make sure I give every student the best education I can give them. It makes me reflect on my background and my identity, because I need to know how the components that make up my person affect the students that I work for.

The final day was when I finally really understood how this all comes together. We had two superintendents from different districts and one of the co-headmasters of the school where I'm interning come in and talk to us about what teaching for social justice means. I had been struggling to figure out how I could literally teach social justice in my math curriculum. However, it took me three days to figure out that that's not really what they mean. Teaching for social justice is how we can change the institutional problems within the school. One speaker used the example of making sure that we, as educators, know that the students are watching, and we cannot be silent when we see injustices in our school community. On a very small level, it's making sure we point out to a student that using the word "retarded" is inappropriate and offensive. They may not respond the first time you say it, but as long as you consistently respond, they will eventually get the message. This is one small example, but it helped me to see the amount of change you can effect as a teacher. The way we instill values in our students is just as important as the math I am teaching. So it's more about finding ways to teach those important lessons while I teach the students the math curriculum. I don't feel like I'm phrasing this terribly well, but I hope you can begin to understand the importance of social justice in the classroom.

We also spent a long time talking about the MCAS as a high-stakes test for a graduation requirement. I wish everyone could see the documentary we watched about it. The MCAS is really a way of denying a group of the population their high school diplomas. If you set a bar that people have to meet in order to receive a diploma, then some part of the population has to not meet it in order for it to be considered meeting high expectations. However, two-thirds of students denied their diplomas due to not passing the MCAS are students with disabilities, and another good chunk are English language learners. Let's talk about social justice now! We are just continuing the cycle of discrimination against students with disabilities and immigrants. Someone on the earlier panel said that often someone starts with an idea, then imposes rules and norms using that idea, and then does studies to gather data that reinforces the original idea. In other words, often data is a false representation of the truth based on previous biases. That's how people argued that women and blacks weren't as capable as white men for many years. We need to reconsider how we gather and use data to make arguments. Otherwise, we will never progress.

I think it is really important that I comment on how this teacher preparation program has been amazingly thought-provoking for me and for many other students in the program. A full-year internship is the best possible way to gain as much experience as possible before becoming a full-time teacher, and my classes are continually providing me with more and more insight as to how I can approach the profession so I can be the best teacher I can be. I want to be an effective math teacher for students in urban, public high schools who fights for social justice and equality. I know I'm a little idealistic, but if I'm not, then what sense do I have being in the business anyway, right?

Bad Day

So I made a lot of pretty bad mistakes on Friday. I am not proud of how I handled myself, and I am surprised at how quickly my personal life made me forget all that I've learned so far in my experiences. So I will try and analyze how and why this happened here.

I was in a mood Friday morning, and I was much more impatient than usual. I am generally in a good mood, and when students talk back to me, I usually break tension with a joke. My theory is that they'll know that I'm not mad at them and that they'll understand that I just want them to be productive. However, this Friday, I was very impatient and very frustrated. I was tired of students finding it acceptable to come late to class and be disruptive as they entered the classroom. I was tired of students expecting me to stop class so I could give them the materials they missed when they were absent for the past three days with no note. And most of all, I was really frustrated when several students tried to argue that they shouldn't take the quiz because they hadn't been here and hadn't learned the material. Is it my fault that they're always absent or late to class? No! And the audacity to expect me to be their peon and for them to take no responsibility for their actions.

Nothing in particular really happened, but I just didn't act like I normally do. I was not nearly as forgiving, and I felt very much as if I was telling them what to do without considering their opinions in a democratic manner. It's really easy to have lots of ideals, but it's really hard to stick to the all the time. If there's one thing I learned this week, it's that teachers always have to be on their game. They can't just stop in the middle of class and take a ten-minute break to regroup. They can't really have tired days, because they have to have energy all the time. They have to be able to deal with whatever is thrown at them without ever losing control. It can be really draining. It's not that I didn't know these things before, but it certainly made me appreciate how hard teachers work for their students.

Afterwards, I was glad I happened to already have a meeting scheduled with the intern advisor to discuss my professional development goals. It gave me a chance to refocus myself on why I'm in this program. I can't lose sight of those goals, even when everything else in my life seems to be absurd and out of control. I'm very glad I had such a good discussion with him, and I hope I can do these things this week.

Why I Love Teaching

For starters, I warn you all that this is a very cheesy blog entry. Read at your own risk.

Yesterday, I was having a not so great day for a variety of reasons. Other teachers and students could tell I was tired and very disengaged from what was going on in class. I felt like I was moping, but it was difficult to get me out of my funk. My mentor even gave me the opportunity to go home early and just call it a day.

However, I decided not to, and instead I reviewed practice problems for the Math 5 midterm on the board. At first, I was dull and monotone and boring. But as soon as the students started asking me questions (which was very quickly), my life and spirit came back. I started making jokes and doing my silly tap dances and even smiling! It was probably the only part of my day that made me really happy. For that, I am thankful. And that's why I know I made a great decision going into teaching.

Getting to Know You

So I think my students might actually like me. I could be wrong, but I feel like I'm getting to know them better. I feel like I can be more myself around them, my dorky, awkward self, and they seem to like it... or at least they go along with it. :) When I ask, "This makes sense, ja?" They respond with an exaggerated "ja." They've started laughing at my other strange word choices, such as "beautious" and "splendid." They even enjoy my intermittent tap dancing. I always kinda knew I was going to be a bit of an eccentric teacher, but if it gets the students to stay engaged and somewhat enjoying themselves, it's not such a bad thing, eh?

There are some things I worry about though. Sometimes I worry that my conversations with students are distracting. It's hard to find the right balance. I definitely don't want to distract them from learning, but it's also hard to find a lot of other ways to get to know them, especially when I don't see them much outside of class.

I also worry that students will start to view me too much as a friend. I want to be respectful of them and care for them, but the student-teacher relationship is still different from a friendship. I also find it difficult to find that balance. I want them to trust me and respect me, but I also want to appear serious and to be a good role model for them.

Then I worry that I feel like I'm getting to know some students a lot better than others. I'm an outgoing person, so sometimes I find it difficult to relate to quieter people. But in a classroom, every student counts. So I need to find ways that I can relate to quiet students who don't always like to ask questions. They need help and support too, and I don't want to leave anybody out.

Anyway, I think things are going well. The whole year will be about me finding my role, and I'm sure it will continually change throughout my career. At least I'm having fun along the way!

Philosophical Dilemmas

So I believe I failed to mention that after I'm in school all day, I then have to go to school.  So Monday through Thursday, I make the trek up to school for my evening classes.  The three classes I'm taking (one meets twice a week) are Intro to Teaching (creative title, I know), Math Learning Environments (really Math Pedagogy - not sure where they came up with that title), and Class, Race, and Gender in the History of US Education.  So there is some overlap in the classes, but not a lot.  However, since all three of my classes are supposed to be informing the way I teach, I still in my head and in my practice have to figure out how to combine all the wisdom from these classes (plus the classes I took this summer: Human Development and Learning and Education of the Exceptional Child).  Basically, my Math Learning Environments class is right up my alley.  There is lots of talk about how we need serious math education reform and how it's important to teach concepts instead of just procedures, etc, blah blah blah.  Basically, the class is every reason that I decided I wanted to become a teacher.  On the other hand, the other two classes are much more heady (philosophical) for me.  There is all this talk about changing the system and leading your class in a democratic manner and having this mutual student-teacher relationship instead of teacher-dominating because especially in an urban school, the students have been oppressed by the school system their whole lives, so it's important that we reform it, etc, blah blah blah.  While it's definitely captivating and definitely necessary if we're really going to try to change the way the institution perpetuates racism, I don't understand how it actually works in the classroom.  This is what we describe as the gap between theory and practice.

I am always thinking of new ways to teach material so that the students can better understand it, and I happen to think my ideas are really good.  However, only the student that wants to understand it better is going to listen to what I have to say.  So how do I actually motivate and inspire students who never do their work and never show up to class?  Since it's clear that yelling at them and being authoritarian and telling them what to do all the time doesn't really seem to work.  If I'm trying to set up a model classroom that runs at least somewhat democratically, how do I engage and connect with those students who do not really care what I have to say about math?  In my high school experience, having a respectful adult conversation would have motivated me.  But I am not the same as every student, and I am really struggling to see how I can be encouraging for these students.  Today and last Friday when my mentor was out of town, I had the classroom to myself, so it was quite a struggle for me to have my first attempt at implementing all the things I've learned in the past... well, two weeks.  I was as genuine as I could be with them, asking them what I could do to help them understand the material better, asking them why I needed to keep asking them to be quiet, and finally asking them if they were egging me on so that I would send someone to the office.  I felt like sending someone to the office to exert my power was exactly what I should not be doing considering our philosophical discussions in class.  And I certainly wasn't going to yell at them.  So what do I do next?  No one person is out of control; no one is doing anything seriously wrong.  But the class as a whole is unfocused and loud.  What tools do I have to pull the class back in and make them respect me (and I respect them too)?  I was frustrated at the end of today.  Not because I was personally upset, but because I really want these ideals to be able to come true in the classroom, and it just didn't seem possible.  

I guess my question is, do I send a student to the office just to make a point that will continue to perpetuate the racism that is already institutionalized in our schools, or do I send a student to the office for the purposes of gaining respect from the students, or is there a completely different solution to this question?

I am still here - really, I promise!

So I know I haven't updated in over two weeks, and for that I truly apologize.  Once we got into the swing of things, it became really difficult to updated between going to school and going to... school?  So anyway, I thought I'd make two posts today: one to give you a little idea logistically what my days are like and what I'm doing in the classroom, and one with all my philosophical thoughts and questions on how to be a teacher.  I'll start with the logistics:

The schedule is such that every academic class is about 90 minutes long.  So my school day starts at 8am with our Math 2 class, then the next period is our prep period, then we have 40 minutes of either tutorial or advisory (depending on the day), then 30 minutes of lunch, then 45 minutes of seminar (which I think I explained but maybe not), then our final class of the day which is Math 5, and this all ends at 2:30.  So I could lay out a schedule for you, but it's not really terribly important.  Friday is shorter: we only have the three academic periods, which go from 8am to 12:30pm, then we have 25 minutes of advisory before the kids are excused for lunch.  Then we have faculty meetings 1:30-3:30pm.  So that's basically what a typical week looks like.  It's interesting because I only actually have two math classes, but then there's all this other stuff (advisory, tutorial, seminar) that gets crammed into the middle of the day.  Ironically, the 90-minute math classes always seem to go much faster than those 45 minutes of seminar... ugh.  

As far as seminar is concerned, I have no idea what I'm doing.  We split up the students between the three co-teachers, and they gave me only a three, because they know I don't know what I'm doing.  :)  Even with only three students to check in with and grade all their work, I still feel totally lost.  I don't know how to grade papers or even how to give feedback on their work.  And I worry that the students won't do well because I won't be able to support them as well as a real teacher would.  Moreover, I know nothing about senior grant, so when I have to answer their questions, I tend to send them to ask another teacher, because I can't help them.  Meanwhile, there are a few students who are trying to push me because they know I don't know how to deal with them, and I feel like I'm undermining my own authority by being clueless.  I don't know.  Basically, I hate seminar because I'm useless.

However, my math classes are going really well.  My mentor has been was out on Friday, and she'll be out again tomorrow, so I have been leading the classes.  Things went pretty well on Friday for the most part.  My first period class was a little louder than normal, and I wasn't sure how to deal with that.  But everything else was fine.  I need to grade all their quizzes this weekend.  Usually I take attendance, check homework, and pass back papers while my mentor teaches.  Then I work one-on-one with the students when they're all working independently.  I've been teaching a bit more lately - going over the homework with them at the beginning of class.  It seems to be going really well.  I really like what I'm doing, and I really like my students.  There are a few that I am still unsure how to deal with, but I am trying to approach them without assumptions and without being authoritarian and condescending.  But I'll get into that more in my next post.

So I hope that covers things.  I'll do my best to give you more specifics in the future.  I have more and more questions every day with how to deal with students and how to manage the classroom.  It's quite the adventure.

The Real First Day of School

Yesterday was such a great day!  I loved meeting all the kids and finally seeing what it's like to be in the classroom.  It really felt natural, and it made me feel really good.  The kids are sometimes chatty and sometimes afraid to ask for help, but they're really all good kids.  

The morning class (Math 2) was interesting for both me and my mentor teacher, because we realized we had no idea how to explain the algorithms for long division problems or even borrowing in subtraction.  We were then very concerned with how we were going to get them to learn these skills.  However, through talking with other math teachers, we discussed how it's probably not even essential for them to know how to do long division, because so many people use calculators when they need to do stuff like that.  Furthermore, it is probably more helpful to them if we teach them estimation and mental math, because that is really the true problem-solving aspect of it.  That is what will be most beneficial to them in the long run.  It is also more important to teach them the logic so they can check their answers.  Sometimes their responses are just totally illogical, and it would be helpful if they had a self-check mechanism in place.  So I think we're going to try and go that route instead of finding a way to teach arcane algorithms that no one uses any more anyway.  I'm also going to try to figure out ways for them to visualize what exactly they're doing with number lines or blocks or whatnot.  I am optimistic that we can still be successful with them if we teach the concepts instead of memorization.

The afternoon class (Math 5) was at the opposite end of the spectrum.  These kids asked a lot of questions about the why and how it worked, and they even caught mistakes in the worksheets.  They were diligently still working when class ended, and it was nice to see them already excited on the first day.  Also, while my mentor was teaching the lesson and comparing the equations of compound growth, there were a lot of sounds of understanding and realization from the kids: "Oh," "I get it," and "That makes sense."  That's always gotta be good feedback for the teacher.  It was also nice to see the kids that caught on quicker helping the other students.  However, I do worry that there were still a handful of kids that it may not have clicked with, and I hope I'll catch those sooner than later before they get too behind.

In short, it was a really successful day.  I am really happy about it, and I am really excited for this year.  I've still got a lot to learn from my mentor teacher about reading the kids and how to discipline.  But maybe I won't suck as much as I thought I might.  :)

I am officially Miss Wallace!

So I got on the train this morning, and I was watching all the kids and wondering if any of them went to my school.  But then I thought, well, just because you're going one place doesn't mean everyone else is too.  Then a girl in front of me turned around and asked me for the time, so I told her.  Then she started talking to someone else about my school, and I chuckled to myself.  I had just met my first student, and she didn't even know it.  Oh well!

The day was good.  The students are wonderful.  I'm not sure what I expected, but I guess I expected them to be wild and crazy and out of control.  I guess that's my own bias coming into play, but I was pleased to find that the students are high school-like.  I'm not sure how else to explain it.  They're really just smaller people with a little too much energy.  I'm really excited to get to know them all better, and I'm excited to see how the first day of academic classes goes tomorrow.  

I also was really inspired listening to the dance students talk about the summer dance programs they went to.  (My mentor teacher advises a group of dance students, so I follow along.)  It made me really want to get more involved in dancing again.  I need a group, and I need to be proud of the art I'm doing.  Right now I just feel lazy and well, uninspired.  But maybe these kids will whip me into shape.

We also had a little pep rally in the park, and they introduced all the faculty and staff.  It was easy to tell who were the most loved teachers, and maybe one day I'll be one of those too.  We also had back-to-school night, and we met some of the parents.  I felt clueless (again), because I barely know the students in the first place.  Anyhow, it was a super long day, and I'd like to be as rested as possible for tomorrow.  So I'm going to sleep and dream about compound interest and also basic integers and their operations for the other math class we have tomorrow.  

Last Day of Preparation

Today was our final day of preparation, because the children arrive tomorrow - ahhh!  No, I'm really very excited to meet them all, and tomorrow will not be stressful, because there are no actual academic classes happening.  So why do they come in, you may ask?  Because they still have to meet with their advisors, get their schedules, and have lots of meetings to discuss how the school year will function.  It's really like an orientation day for all students, and then there's a pep rally in the park across the way!  Woo!  Then they are released early for the day.  So at least I'll get to meet a number of them and see how the school works with all the students there.  

However, as for our final day of professional development, we started off in a very heated debate about whether this school is and should be a pre-professional program versus a conservatory versus an arts-enriched high school.  It was fascinating to listen to and to compare to my performing arts high school experience.  The faculty here truly believe in teaching the discipline of their arts.  For example, they train the students to be prepared (with music or dance clothes), to practice their art, and to act professionally in performance and rehearsal spaces.  They expressed that these are skills that can transfer to any career they may choose, and they stress that they do not push the students to go into the arts.  It seems like a good balance to me.  My high school had much more of an emphasis on performance, and they never really seemed to teach us process.  There were very few teachers there who were good at teaching - most of them liked directing, which is a very different skill.  I learned a good amount about performing arts in high school, but it was more thanks to my passion than to my teachers (depending on the teacher).  So that debate continued for a while.

Then we had elections for union representatives and board representatives.  I was clearly not a part of this, but it was amusing to watch.  I wonder what the teachers' union is like here.

Then we had a mini writing workshop.  We read one student's college essay and discussed what we noticed about it and how we would grade it.  It was a really interesting essay, because the student wrote it all in the third person, except for the last sentence.  So I was grappling with how to evaluate that.  Most people seemed to agree it would be a C/C- paper, but when I first saw it, I would have given it a B.  There were a lot of grammatical errors, but it seemed very creative.  I'm very concerned at how I'll be able to grade students' writing.  

Then we had "open space," when anyone was allowed to share any sort of thoughts or concerns.  I thought about sharing that I felt clueless, but I think that's been apparent to everyone for the last week from the look on my face.  Many people expressed concerns about the new schedule or about their new responsibilities of being both a parent and a teacher or about serving such a high-needs senior class.  Others said they chose not to be worried and that they'd get worried later on.  It was interesting to hear what everyone had to say.  But I think it was more interesting that they have "open space" in the first place.  I doubt most schools have an environment in which all the teachers and administration can come together and share openly and honestly how they feel.  No one seemed to act like it was a waste of time, and no one disrespected anyone else's feelings.  I just still can't get over this school culture.  I mean, there was tension during the first discussion of the day about the arts curriculum, but no one ever raised their voices, and everyone respectfully disagreed.  Does this last all year?  Or is just this because they're optimistic at the beginning of each year?  Another intern working at another school told me today that she met with her math team, and they got in some serious arguments.  Her mentor even told her to leave so she wouldn't be subject to their intense fighting.  I was really surprised to hear it.  I just hope this spirit of cooperation lasts all year.

Lastly, I spent more time with the math teachers planning curriculum and with the seminar teachers planning the first week.  I hope I'm ready.  But I also hope I can make up a decent worksheet by Friday about the compound interest that I talked about yesterday.  I really think I came up with some good ideas, and I'm excited to get started.  However, I don't yet feel comfortable pushing my mentor teacher to change stuff.  I wasn't prepared well enough to convince her of my ideas yesterday, but now that I've thought it through I don't want to waste any time!  I guess I still don't understand my role, and I still don't understand the dynamic of our working relationship yet.  What do you think?  Should I make up a worksheet and at least offer it to her?  Or should I sit back and wait until I understand the school a little better?

After that, I had my first math pedagogy class, and I am REALLY excited about this professor.  I already feel like I'm on the same page with him, so I guess we'll see how that goes.  There are fewer than 10 students in the class, so it will be very intense.  But now I'll rest so I'll be able to greet the kids tomorrow!

More Professional Development

I am sooo tired.  When will I ever adjust to waking up before the sun rises?  I really think the answer is never.  Today was not made any better by the train this morning.  It started smoking, and we had to evacuate.  I smelled like burnt rubber the rest of the day.  Blech.

Anyway, we started the morning with a meeting with the other high school that shares the same building with us.  We met in our content teams and discussed differences in our practices and curricula.  Our school creates all their own math curricula.  They use a variety of textbooks and spend lots of time making photocopies and typing their own material in order to create a curriculum that works for them.  It seems like a really great idea to me, because they can pick and choose which lessons are most important and rearrange things as they see fit.  However, they discussed how some of the negatives are that students are not prepared to read math textbooks when they get to college, because they never had a math textbook in high school.  That definitely came as a surprise to me, because it didn't even occur to me that reading a math textbook was a skill.  But it's a skill that I have that I certainly take for granted.  I suppose I'm going to have to start noticing the assumptions I have about teaching and learning and figure out how to deal with them.  The math team from the other school just changed their curriculum too, so we are all interested in seeing how it works out for them.  Hopefully, the teams will keep in touch with each other during the year so we can collaborate and learn from each others mistakes and triumphs.  We discussed the MCAS and the SAT and how to deal with those standardized tests in the classroom.  There was a general feeling that they've improved significantly every year in getting more and more kids to pass the MCAS, but they all feel that SAT progress has flatlined.  I hope I'll be able to help them somewhat with their SAT prep, but they all seem so competent that I'm not sure what more I can offer them.

Then we had an inclusion workshop with the learning center, so we discussed a few case studies of students that we will have in our classes.  It appears I have already been assigned to mentor one student with severe emotional/behavioral problems in our math class.  I sure hope I'm up for it!  At least I had an introduction to special education this summer.  I won't be completely clueless in the classroom when I get such high-needs students, although I still think it will be difficult for me to figure out how to build a relationship with a student who doesn't trust adults and often walks out in the middle of class.  But I guess that's what I'm in for if I wanna be a teacher!

After that I ate lunch with my mentor teacher, and we began discussing the curriculum for Math 5 - the calculus-like course.  So the curriculum currently begins with logarithms and exponents with the first lesson being on compound interest.  Honestly, I cannot possibly recall what specific topics I studied and when in high school, so I have no idea if it makes more sense to start with this as a topic.  However, after reading through the first lesson, I already started thinking about how I could make it better.  Basically, compound interest is just dealing with how you accumulate interest over time with your money.  So the formula we start with is the formula for interest compounded annually: A=P(1+r)^t, where A is the total amount accumulated, P is the principal amount of money, r is the interest rate, and t is the number of years.  For example, if you start with $5,000, and you have an interest rate of 5% over 5 years, you write A=(5000)(1+.05)^5=6381.41.  (I just made that up and used the google calculator, so please double check me.)  The point is you make lots of money if you invest at high interest rates over long periods of time.  However, sometimes interest is not compounded annually.  For instance, sometimes interest is compounded biannually, monthly, or even fortnightly (I love this word).  So in this case the formula is A=P(1+r/n)^nt, with all of the above variables being the same and n being the number of times it is compounded annually.  In other words, they're really the same formula, but the n is invisible in the first equation because n=1.  (r/n=r/1=r and n*t=1*t=t)  However, I think it's just mad confusing to give the students two different formulas to memorize, plus memorizing when to use which one.  Not only does that not even bring up the question of where the equation came from in the first place.  I feel like I need to go back and think thoroughly about how this equation was derived and start the students from there.  If the students don't understand why the equation is what it is, then they haven't really learned the math just by memorizing it.  Any tips would be super helpful!

Later in the day, we had a very intense discussion on exactly how tutorial works.  Tutorial is a new thing at my school.  They used to have a different type of program called support and enrichment, but due to budget cuts that is gone and tutorial is here.  All students must attend the short tutorial period in the classroom with their seminar teachers, and today's discussion was what do they do in tutorial if they are required to attend.  I found this logic slightly backwards already, because I couldn't understand why they were trying to define this new period after they had already restructured their schedule to fit in tutorial.  Theoretically, the reason the decided to add tutorial was because someone somewhere had some idea of what purpose tutorial would serve.  However, everyone today seemed completely clueless and out of sync about how tutorial should be run.  Then there became lots of debates about whether or not they should be working on seminar work first because they are in tutorial with their seminar teachers, whether they can visit their other teachers if they are struggling to complete an assignment from another class, whether they can use electronic devices as agendas or headphones as a focusing tool, whether they can eat or sleep during tutorial, and whether all the classes and grade levels would have to have the same rules.  School starts in two days, and no one seems to have made any decisions on how tutorial is going to work.  It seems like a good idea, but no one can agree on logistics, so it may end up being unsuccessful.  Honestly, I'm not sure what the big deal is - I thought people were getting in rather heated debates over nothing.  Anyway, I think tutorial can be a useful period for students to catch up on work, and I will do my best to help keep kids focused and on-track during this undecided-upon period.  

Afterwards, the interns collectively rode the T back to school for our first classes of the fall semester, and I went to the gym after class for the first time in a billion years.  We'll see how long this all lasts.  There was also a brief moment today in which I thought I might lose my mentor teacher and be switched to someone else so that I could act as his sub more frequently while he was out of class for leadership team meetings.  However, I think they decided that it was both not a good idea to switch mentor teachers after a week of getting to know each other and not a good idea to throw me into substitute teaching consistently my first semester.  So I'll be doing my best to figure out how to best teach this calculus course and learning how to build relationships with students with behavioral problems.  Can't wait for Thursday!

Seminar!

So today we met with our seminar teams.  Let me first describe exactly how our curriculum works.  As I said before seminar takes the place of an English class, and it is co-taught by teachers of any subject, meaning all teachers teach it.  So because there are an odd number of teachers, I am working with two teachers instead of simply being paired with another teacher.  I am with a Humanities and a Music teacher, and all of our students in seminar are music majors.  They group them by arts discipline in 11th and 12th grade.  So basically, each grade has a different curriculum (obviously).  But for 11th and 12th grades, they have worked out a cyclical curriculum, so that teachers are either in an 11/12 block or a 12/11 block.  For instance, I am in the 12/11 block, so I am with 12th graders first semester and 11th graders second semester.  Since I really only know the curriculum of my block, I'll only be able to explain that.  We teach college admissions, SAT prep, and senior projects, whereas I gather that the 11/12 block has an arts history curriculum.  The reason for the cyclical block is because theoretically if a teacher is there for more than one year (unlike myself), they will have the same 11th grade group in the spring which them becomes their 12th grade group in the fall.  This way they have the opportunity to provide SAT prep, college admissions, and senior projects stuff all in the correct timeline.  It really actually makes a lot of sense, so I'm gonna go with it.  :)

So I guess it's most important for me to explain the senior projects, because I'm sure you can assume what we do to help with SAT prep and college admissions (college essays and resumes, choosing schools, and doing well on the SAT).  The senior project is unique to this high school.  The mission statement of our school clearly outlines that we try to help students become artists, scholars, and citizens of our world.  So the senior project is the ultimate combination of these roles.  Each senior must write a grant proposal and must achieve at least a grade of 3 on a scale of 4 in order to graduate, though they can revise it as many times as they need.  So the students have to find a community organization they would like to become artistically involved with and write a proposal for a grant that would help fund them so they could in return help the organization.  So they are using their artistic skills but also their scholarly skills in order to write a clear and effective proposal and also their citizenship skills because it is a community service-oriented idea.  It's really the capstone of their high school years.  It sounds like a fabulous project, and I cannot wait to see what the students come up with.  Then they bring in outside judges to select some of them to actually receive the grants.  They get $500 to do their project, and those that complete the project fully graduate with honors.  It is the only way to graduate with honors, although they do have a separate program to get the honors designation on their transcripts for a particular course.  There is no exam to test into honors, it's open honors, so any student who wishes to can choose to.  They are not in separate classes, they simply do more work (read more books and write more papers).  I think it's such an important lesson for students - to give them the opportunity to elect whether or not they want to do extra work to learn more.  

Also, the teachers discussed that this 12th grade class in particular is a very high needs class, meaning I will be working with a lot of special education students (they call them learning center students at this school).  I am curious to see how that will play out, because they do work towards inclusion as much as possible, so I will definitely have high needs students mixed with all kinds of other students.  It will be an interesting environment, and I am excited to see how that will play out.  They told me that some students will have completed the summer reading assignment fully and others will not have even started, so I guess I'll learn how to deal with that.  They also told me that I would be working with students from the very beginning.  This class particularly is very individualized for each student, so I'd probably get a group of three students and follow them specifically throughout the semester.  I still don't exactly know what that means, but I am excited and nervous to see how it all works!  I even managed to speak up and make suggestions in our meeting today.  My classes start on Tuesday, and the high school starts Thursday, so things will be in full swing soon - oy!

The Math Team

Today we had content team meetings, meaning I met with all the other math teachers.  Instead of meeting at the school, we instead went to one of the math teachers' houses.  So I went to a new area of Boston, which was cool, but again I was awkward because I was the first one there.  I even thought about this possibility and purposely sat in the T station longer so I wouldn't be the first one.  I try so hard...  Anyway, I spent some time talking to the math teachers until finally everyone arrived.  Of course, my mentor teacher was almost an hour late because she got into a small accident on her way.  (Don't worry, she's fine.)  She commutes from out of state, and she's from New York, so she only got her first driver's license last year.  She was also the first to leave, because she wanted to beat the traffic on her way home.  Anyhow, I was generally pretty useless today, but I learned a lot by listening.  And I ate a lot of snacks.  :)

First they reflected on what they did and didn't do well last year, and then they brainstormed what they wanted to do better this year.  They all had really good points.  Then they had to apply the school-wide goals for the year and figure out how to apply them to the math team, and then they had to develop specific math team goals.  The whole school is very much into setting goals and making sure they improve every year.  They are very reflective and self-aware, and I am constantly amazed at how well they all work together and collaborate.  I am sure that my high school teachers had meetings and professional development days that I was unaware of, but I cannot imagine them all being quite so cooperative.  None of them appear either very stubborn or very lazy.  They all make suggestions, and they all receive them openly and genuinely consider whether or not the idea makes sense.   I just hope I can live up to their expectations and be equally as cooperative and innovative.  The chair of the math team is extraordinarily organized and productive, so he was good at keeping us on track when we got distracted by other things.  Also, one of the teachers had to bring his three-year-old daughter with him today, and I realized that all of math teachers are married, and most of them have children.  I feel so young.  :)

One thing that was funny was that they had to set very specific benchmarks for their goals, so they decided that they way they will measure one of their goals, which is redefining some of the curriculum, is by seeing if I (as a future first-year math teacher) find the curriculum to be clear and easy to use in my instruction.  So I will be the one to declare whether or not they met that goal.  I guess that means they trust me a little?

In the afternoon, they went over their class lists and discussed ways of evening out the number of students in each class, because some classes were as small as 15 and others as big as 30.  (I know, 30 was not big at my high school, but there are fewer students in total here than in my graduating class alone.)  They also went over every student to make sure they were in the correct level course.  I was amazed at how well they knew all the students.  They knew without referencing anything which students had not already passed the MCAS and which students had low skill levels and which combinations of students would be behavior problems.  Of course, I've never met a single student, but I still learned how much every teacher truly pays attention to the individual needs of every single student.  I just hope I will be that alert as a teacher.

So also, I will be helping/observing the development of the Math 2 curriculum.  They just recently changed some things around, so some of the curriculum needs to be redeveloped.  Furthermore, my mentor is the only teacher teaching Math 5, so it will really just be the two of us rewriting the curriculum that she lost last year.  So that will indeed be an adventure.  I don't even know if I remember calculus.  Oops.  I know that a lot of the people who intern here end up staying and getting jobs here, so they must be pretty good interns.  I just wonder if I'll be a good enough intern and if I'll be able to keep up with everything and learn to teach well quickly.  I also worry that no other school that I'd actually get a job in is as highly functional as this one.  I can't imagine there are this many public schools that utilize so much collaboration and reflection and support.  I can't decide if it would be better to teach in a crappy school, so I'd be prepared for the absolute worst.  I guess I'll just hope for a job in a relatively good school.  I think it's also important though that this is a high functioning school, but it is not a school full of students from wealthy families.  It is still an excellent socioeconomic representation of the city of Boston, so by good school, I do not mean a wealthy one.  I mean a public school that does a good job of serving its students.  Anyway, I learned a lot from the math team today.  Maybe I should review some of my math so I can be more helpful next week.  :-/

Meeting All the Teachers

Today I met all the teachers, including my mentor teacher, the whole math department, and well really... everyone.  My mentor seems really nice.  She seems slightly soft-spoken and very calm but also very cheery.  She's a competitive salsa dancer, and she also went to a performing arts high school in New York.  So we have some things in common, and hopefully I'll get to know her more in the next week and we'll discuss my role in the classroom and everything before all the students start showing up.  

The day started off with a bang.  We played pictionary in groups as a warm-up.  So I was with a bunch of teachers that I hadn't even been introduced to yet, and I got the strangest thing to draw.  It wasn't objects we had to draw but key phrases that they had discussed in their professional development from the day before, when of course I wasn't there.  So I was terrified I was gonna get something and not know what it meant.  And of course, I did.  However, they were still able to guess it thanks to my mad drawing skills.  The phrase was "no genital clutch."  What?!?  What does that even mean?  I cannot possibly even imagine what that refers to.  There I was, the intern that no one has met, holding the pen, and thinking, "can I really draw this?"  So I did.  I drew a penis.  That's right.  I drew a penis.  And then I drew a hand holding a ball to represent clutching something.  And they managed to get it.  So I was a little proud.  However, they did then hold up the picture to show everyone that the intern drew a penis.  So now I'm the intern who drew a penis within the first 10 minutes of meeting all the teachers.  Awesome.

Otherwise, the rest of the day was kind of dull.  We spent most of the day sitting in the assembly hall while people talked at us, and it was especially bad for the interns because none of us know what they're talking about.  They talked about their summer programs and how well or not well they went this year and also how they're losing more and more money both from the school system and from grants.  We went over the calendar, but a lot of the dates were either wrong or were going to change, so I'm not sure how useful that was.  Then all the teachers received their schedules and class lists.  So this is when I met the math team.  There are five math teachers, and they all seem really great.  So my mentor is teaching one class of Math 2 and one class of Math 5 in the fall and two classes of Math 3 in the spring.  Also, she said she had an awful computer incident at the end of last year, and she lost a lot of her curriculum, so it seems we will be writing a lot of curriculum together, which is kinda cool.  Anyway, then the math teachers sat around looking through their class lists talking about the students.  "Oh, he's difficult."  "She is a hard-worker."  "He does better when he sits next to girls because he likes to show off for them."  So I kinda just chilled.  I felt a little awkward already, and then I was just totally not included.  I don't blame them - I would do it too.  But is there any way to not have awkward moments when you're the new person?  I mean really, it's just this horrible inevitable part of being new, and it totally sucks.  Then the academic dean comes up and says to the math team that they're going to meet over lunch, and she turns to me and says, "You don't have to be there - not that I mean to exclude you, but this is something we have to deal with from last year."  And you know, I totally get it, I understand, but it doesn't make it any less awkward.  Someone please explain to me how to be less awkward in these situations!  Anyway, we broke for lunch, and I ate my little ham and cheese sandwich all by my lonesome, because all the other interns ate with their content teams.  Le sigh... At least I was included in the faculty picture, right?  

After lunch they talked at us some more about how to write our professional development goals.  They gave us a worksheet with circles and boxes and charts that I guess I have to fill out.  I don't really remember this part, because this is where I started to doze off.  It was just too much information that I didn't understand, so my brain just shut down.  Oh well.  Then we broke up into our literature circles based on whatever summer reading book we chose to read.  I only found out last week that we needed to read a summer book, and with all the moving, I was not very far into it.  So when we broke off into groups, I was with only three other teachers, and I had absolutely nothing to share about the book, because I just started it.  Again I felt totally awkward and unprepared.  But I did manage to suggest ideas for planning our classes.  In these literature circles, we will meet twice during Seminar with the students who read the same book.  So basically we had to plan two forty-five minute classes with a homework assignment in between to help facilitate a discussion about the book.  So I had a few good ideas for homework, and I really liked the collaborative nature of planning these classes.  Everyone was really open to everyone else's suggestions, so I didn't feel stupid when I spoke.  So hopefully I'll finish the book soon, and I'll be able to participate better next time.  :-/

Tufts Orientation

Today I was not at my high school but at my university for orientation.  Since I went to the same school for my undergraduate degree, it was probably not as helpful as it could have been.  However, I did meet a lot more of the faculty and staff from the Department of Education, and I learned that I have a new advisor, because my advisor for the summer has gone on sabbatical.  My new advisor is also the chair of the department, so she should be super helpful... I hope.  :)  It seems like everyone has similar goals in how they want to help change the education system, so I'm really looking forward to getting to know lots of the faculty and really being supported by them.

We also had our matriculation ceremony, and I have officially been inducted as a double jumbo!  I met a lot of other grad students in many other departments, and the grad student council organizes bbq's and pub nights and even an apple-picking trip.  So I will hopefully be able to get involved in all of these activities and still have a social life while in grad school.  Tomorrow I'll be back at my internship, so I must prepare for a long day ahead.  And I'll finally meet my mentor teacher - yay!

Intern Orientation

Today was a short day at my internship.  We only had a two-hour intern meeting to get to know each other more and learn a little more about the program.  So I got to meet all the interns from the other school, and there are about eight of them, I believe.  They all seem excited and motivated too, which is great.  Most of us will have classes together too, since we almost all go to the same school.  

In order to get to know each other better, they asked us some interesting questions.  One asked what piece of cultural wisdom did your family give you.  I found this question rather difficult.  I'm not exactly sure what culture my family is really from.  We don't really identify with a specific ethnic group, nor do we identify with a specific religious group.  Certainly my parents instilled wisdoms in me, but I don't really feel like their values or whatever came from a cultural background.  My parents were certainly influenced by the civil rights movement and the feminist movement, but is that cultural?  I am not sure how else to interpret that.  

Another question was about what we'll miss about our previous residence.  While I don't miss much about my hometown except the weather, I definitely already miss the college lifestyle and people.  It is so different to not live with people in college.  I feel more serious.  I also have to consciously work to have a social life, since I'm not constantly immersed in one.  However, I am excited to move into my new apartment tomorrow, and I am excited to live with new people.  It's a new adventure.

I'm hoping to make it to more baseball games this year, since the school is right across from the ball field, and I'm generally hoping to experience more of the city, less of Somerville.  I want to get to know all the neighborhoods, partly because I want to know where my students are from.  They are required to reside in the city, so I should get to know the city better.  The intern directors want to take us on a bike tour of the city, which would be so much fun if I didn't hate the drivers so much here.  :-/  No, it would be a really amazing way to see the city and definitely the greenest choice!

We also discussed why we wanted to be teachers.  I always say that I want to teach because when I started tutoring math in high school, I realized that so many students were struggling to pass upper-level math classes when they were lacking in extremely basic skills and concepts.  It made me realize that these problems couldn't be fixed with a once-a-week math tutor - they just needed to have better math teachers that would have taught them correctly in the first place.  While the skills and concepts are extremely important, it isn't the only reason I want to teach.  Partly, I just really like schools, and I also really like working with children.  I am a pretty social person, and I am definitely not afraid of being in front of a group of people.  So it seems really fitting that I want to spend time helping students learn more about math.  My point is that there is a lot more to teaching than just a content area, and I hope I will be able to fill all those roles as a general educator first.

So I haven't met my mentor teacher yet, but I did meet another math teacher at the school.  He actually called my mentor teacher for me to see if she was around.  She wasn't, but I will meet her Wednesday, and I can't wait to meet the rest of the math teachers.  We did receive a list of questions that we should discuss with our mentor teachers to help make the relationship between mentor and intern healthier and happier.  Some of these questions are really difficult to answer.

1.  What do you expect to get out of your internship?  What are your goals this year?

Well... that seems easy enough - I want to learn to teach.  But what does that even mean?  I want my mentor teach to guide me, but guide me in what?  I don't even think I know enough about what I'm doing.  I guess I expect support and guidance, but I just think all these things are really general.  Everyone expects those things.  What specifically do I want out of this relationship?  What exactly do I want to learn?  I feel like I have so much to learn that I don't even know how to begin thinking about goals.  I want to learn strategies for teaching specific content areas; I want to learn classroom management; and I want to learn how to structure a lesson plan.  But I also need to learn how to connect with students on a more personal level while maintaining authority.  I need to be friendly without being disrespected.  There is so much I need learn, and I don't even know where to begin.  

2.  Have you worked with teenagers before?  What are your hopes/concerns about working with adolescents?

I have actually not worked much with teenagers.  Most of what I've done in tutoring and in summer camps has been with younger children.  So I am nervous about working with adolescents.  The older the students the more adult-like problems they'll have.  I'm only four years older than some of these students.  Can I really be of help to them when I barely have more life experiences than they do?  Will I have serious classroom management problems?  Or worst of all, will I cry in front of my students if I screw up or if they insult me?

3.  On co-teaching: Do you have experience working closely with someone else?  What were the positives and negatives of that experience?  Are you generally a collegial or a solitary person?  What are your concerns about building a good co-teaching relationship?  What are your pet-peeves?

I definitely have never co-taught anything.  I've assisted teachers and I've had assistants as a teacher, but I've never experienced trying to be equals.  I am kind of confused about what the relationship will be between me and my mentor.  I mean, certainly she's teaching me, but in the classroom, I will gradually take more and more control, and I think that might be confusing.  I think it may be difficult for me to figure out how much initiative I should take and how much instruction I should wait for from my mentor.  I definitely think I work well with others, but I am often shy in a new situation, because I don't want to appear stupid like I don't know what I'm doing.  But I don't know what I'm doing!  There are also little things to consider, such as what if the only time we can arrange meetings is at 7am?  I'm not a morning person, and maybe I'll appear uninterested, and my mentor teacher will get annoyed with me.  Or what if I really don't like something she does in her class?  Should I speak up?  Will I have the courage to speak up?

4.  What is your definition of a good teacher?  What inspires you as a teacher?  Is there a teacher in your past who inspired you to consider teaching as a career?

I guess the easy definition of a good teacher is one the causes learning in students.  The harder question is figure out what good teachers do in order to cause learning in students.  I prefer teachers who are positive and encouraging as opposed to teachers who believe that disapproving remarks are good motivators.  I certainly want to be a teacher that is open and supportive so that students can come to me when they need help.  I actually had a lot of good teachers in high school and some good professors in college too.  I had excellent math teachers in high school - they were all very clear and organized in their teaching styles.  However, my English and social studies teachers were the teachers I was much closer to.  They were better at fostering a teacher-student relationship that was supportive and motivational.  So I suppose I hope I can combine those two so that students can both receive an excellent math education and also build a good, safe relationship with me.  Also, my college advisor was very encouraging in getting me to teach - maybe I can have him as a supervising teacher this year.

5.  What strengths do you feel you will bring to our school?  To your classroom?

I have no idea!  I don't really even know what I'm doing yet, so I don't know my weaknesses either.  I mean, I am outgoing, and I love the arts, so I feel that I have the ability to connect with the students over a love of dance/music/theatre/whatever.  Otherwise, I'm not really sure what I'm going to be good at, besides that I am passionate and that I really want my students to do well.

6.  What are your teaching fears and/or worries?  What are weaknesses that you might need to work on?

I have so many fears and worries, I don't even know where to begin!  I am so worried that I'll just completely screw up lessons, and the students won't learn anything.  I'm worried that I won't be prepared enough, and the students will just go wild or more simply just get distracted.  Teaching really is a craft, and I'm gonna be awkward at first.  I just hope that my mentor and the students will be understanding enough that I won't want to cry myself to sleep every night.  I am also worried that I won't be able to have control over the students.  I don't know what to expect from them.  The students are from much lower socio-economic backgrounds than at my high school, and I just don't know enough to know how different the dynamic of the classroom will be.  I feel very ignorant.

7.  What history (English, math, science, language...) topics interest you?

I think this question is written incorrectly or else it's just really odd.  I'm obviously interested in math, but I do really like other subjects.  I loved almost all the subjects in high school - it was more teachers that I really liked or disliked.  So I guess the lesson I'll take from that is that the teacher can really make or break a class.  But I do really like learning in general, no matter the subject, so hopefully I will be able to get involved in all sorts of areas at this school, especially the arts.

8.  For those teaching or assisting with reading/writing: How confident do you feel about grammar?  What are your strengths and weaknesses around grammar?

As I said before, I will have to teach reading/writing, and I don't really think that will be terribly bad.  I am actually good at grammar, because I like rules.  However, I don't have a particularly large vocabulary, and I am not great at flowery writing.  So I suppose it will depend a lot on how the classes are taught and what the curriculum is.  I am good at spelling!  So I can help out with that, but otherwise, I'm just gonna go with the flow.

9.  What are your interests outside of teaching?

This is easier to answer, and most people know this about me.  I dance, I sing, and I do some theatre.  I'm still trying to work out how I'll be able to keep up my interests while I'm in school, but hopefully I will stay active.

10.  How can I best support you this year?

This is just an impossible question for me to answer.  I have no idea how to ask my mentor teacher to support me other than to ask her to support me.  I don't know what that means.  Maybe smile at me when I look like I'm going to cry?  Or just help me out when I look lost?  I am still very unsure of what I'll be doing.  I will definitely need direction, but I'll also probably need a push to start doing more things on my own.  I don't want to step on my mentor teacher's feet, so I'm more inclined to sit back.  I just don't think I'm ready to jump into this.  I'd like to feel my way around first, but I don't really know how much of an opportunity I'll have to do that.  

Fortunately, they did give us a list of things we can start to do in the classroom without really taking over teaching any lessons, such as hand out materials, take attendance, review the day's agenda, help kids while they work, and remind students of their homework assignments.  Those seem simple enough and don't require too much planning.  I think this list will be really beneficial during the first few weeks, because I think it will be really difficult to find extra time to meet one-on-one with my mentor.  

I think what is most important though is that I begin think a little more philosophically about teaching.  I am always so worried about the logistics, but what's really important is that I learn about how to inspire my students to learn.  It isn't just about teaching students how to graph a line - it's about demonstrating the importance of education and encouraging students to go to college and be lifelong learners.  One of the primary goals is to get students to develop skills so that they can teach themselves.  It's also about personalizing each student's education, so they learn the most they can.  So I'll have to be understanding if math is just really not their thing.  I wonder how to plan lessons for students who struggle more in math.  I'll also have to figure out how I can apply the school's mission statement in my classroom daily.  I wonder how many students I'll have in a class at a time.  I also wonder how they assess their students at this school, as everything seems so untraditional.  I also wonder how often they communicate with parents and how they primarily communicate with parents.  Moreover, I wonder how to handle bigger issues that may arise in the classroom, such as bias incidents and other forms of disrespect.  There's just so much I don't know how to do, and I really don't know how I'm going to learn it all in a year.  I guess I won't...

Day One

Yesterday was my first day of orientation at my internship, and it was really exciting!  I only ended up sleeping about 3 hours the night before, but at least I didn't oversleep, as I was worried.  But I arrived early, and I met such interesting people.  I'm not even sure where to begin.  

There are five other interns, four from my same school.  They all seem fascinating with lots of interests.  They're all from different places, and they're all interning in different subjects: science, humanities, visual arts.  I wanted to spend more time talking to them and getting to know them and why they want to teach, but I suppose that will happen all year long.  

It was also orientation for new staff, so I met some of the new teachers.  They also all seemed amazing with all kinds of interests and backgrounds.  I met the French teacher who I almost lived with.  I hope I'll get to speak French with her at some point.  I could use a refresher since it's been over a year since I studied abroad in Paris.  There's also a substitute Spanish teacher who sings opera, and I would love to talk about singing with him and hear him sing.  There's a new band conductor and a new part-time acting teacher.  She specializes in Shakespeare, and I would love to talk Shakespeare with her!  Everyone has so many interests, and I want to share with them, and I want to hear from them, and I just really want to get so involved in everything.

  

We went over some logistical stuff, but the day was mostly spent getting to know the concept of their school.  We discussed how we cannot friend students on facebook and how to use their email system and how to get keys, etc.  But more importantly, we discussed their mission statement and how it drives how their school is run.  I learned that the school is a pilot school, which means it is a public school with its own autonomy, so it can change rules, curriculum, schedules, but it is still part of the system - in the district and in the union.  I found that a really interesting contrast to a charter school, which is still a public school but outside of the system.  I don't really know how to explain it better than that.  They also explained how this school was created 14 or so years ago from six colleges, I believe, so they're part of this consortium of arts schools.  So the high school is highly connected with these six schools, and they receive a lot of support from them.  The school is also heavily involved in community outreach.  It sounds like they do a lot of performing in the community, and they're always interested in having master classes.  Apparently they had Bill T. Jones a while ago.  He is my favorite choreographer, and I am so sad I missed him!  They also require that all of their students either register to vote or have a conversation with a registrar upon graduation.  They cannot force them to register, but they do their best to encourage it.  I am just incredibly amazed at how much this school does.  I know I did a lot of performing at my high school, but I wish all the staff/faculty had been this passionate about getting everyone involved in the community.  It just seems like such an incredible school.  I have been infatuated since I visited in February for my interview, and I can't believe it's actually time to get started.

They also talked about the grade requirements for the students.  It is a little untraditional, but what isn't at this school?  :)  Students must receive a D- or better in their academic classes, but if they slip below a C in their arts classes, they are warned.  They use a positive term instead of probation, but I forget what it is.  The idea is that we all make choices about what we're going to do and learn, and it's their choice if they don't do as well in an academic class.  But why be at an arts school if you're not interested in your art?  It seems backwards at first, but it really makes a lot of sense.  

Also, their academic curriculum is incredibly fascinating and innovative.  Let me start with the math curriculum, as that is the curriculum that I need to know most.  Instead of having Geometry, Algebra, and Calculus as courses, they simply title their courses Math 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.  So they somewhat align with the traditional course sequence, but the courses are highly integrated with an arts curriculum.  So they teach math through animation and through lighting design, etc.  It sounds so logical to teach math this way to arts students, but I am still so curious to see how it works.  Also, I may be good at math, but I know little about lighting design, so that will be interesting to see what I'll need to know.  So presumably students will be excited about learning math!  Also they've structured it so that more students will complete Math 5 before they graduate, because they realized it's important for students to get through high school calculus before they go to college.  I also forgot to mention that their courses are semestrialized (yea, I made that word up, whatevs).  So each academic course is only for a semester, and they take two academic courses at a time, plus their arts classes.  It is such a cool system, and I can't wait to see how it works.  Also, all of the teachers, including math and science, co-teach seminar classes, which are reading/writing skills classes.  This means I will be teaching this too - ahh!  I hope I can read and write...  Also, they teach Humanities instead of English and Social Studies.  So it's all combined, and they especially focus on teaching history through the lenses of different groups of people, it's not just the European white male's perspective on stuff.  It's really fascinating, and I can only imagine that I'll be learning so much from this school, the staff, and their students.  Also, they send 96% of their students to college, which is a really, really awesome statistic!  So many of these students' parents never went to college, so the school really helps provide them with the resources and opportunities and support to go through the college admissions process.  Can you tell I'm excited yet?

They talked a lot about things that I don't understand yet.  I know they have an advisory program, but I am still unsure of what it is and how it works.  There's also a student support team for counseling and stuff, but I don't know how that works either.  I also really have no idea about the schedule of the school, so I have no clue when I'm teaching and whatnot.  So there are still a lot of unknowns.  However, I experienced so much warmth there yesterday, and I am more confident going into this week knowing that I have a lot of support around me.  I can't wait to meet my mentor teacher.  Hopefully that will happen Monday, but if not, it will later in the week.  And I really can't wait to meet the students!  They sound so motivated and passionate.  I know that I've definitely built up this school in my head, and there will definitely be downfalls, but I just hope that there won't be too too many.  

Overall, I'm really, really excited to start interning here.  I'm so excited to meet everyone, and I can't wait to see how a school day will actually go.  I can't wait to spend some more time with the other interns, and I know I'll learn a lot from them too.  I can't think of what else we did/talked about yesterday, so I guess I'll leave it at that.  I'm also sure that some of what I said is incorrect, because it was a LOT of information in one day, and I easily could have misunderstood something.  Oh well... I'm learning!

Anxiety

I am terribly nervous about tomorrow morning.  The thing I'm most worried about is that I won't be able to sleep tonight, and I won't be able to wake up in the morning.  I need to be in Davis by 7:30am, and I'm not very good at waking up early.  I hope my anxiety wakes me up super early.

I don't know what to expect tomorrow.  I'm just going in with an open mind, and I hope everything works out well.  I don't know how else to prepare myself.  So hopefully that will work out well.  

Do we think I need to pack a lunch?  Or is lunch provided if it's on the schedule?  I don't think it's very clear.  Oh well!  Too late now.  Haha.  Oy vey...

Buddy!

So I have a buddy to go to school with on Friday morning for our first day on the job!  I'm so glad that I'll be able to show up with someone I know.  I'll feel much less out of place.  I've still got a lot of stuff to do before it starts, but I'll manage if I have support.  Tomorrow I'm going furniture shopping, so hopefully I'll be prepared for the move.  Can't wait to see how orientation goes.

First Breakdown

So I've already had my first breakdown, and my internship hasn't even started yet.  I'm thinking about how much I have to get done in the next two days before the internship starts, and I just can't imagine how I'm going to do it all.  I got an email yesterday saying I'm supposed to have read a book off the summer reading list, as well as complete a writing assignment along with it.  I also am supposed to read another short story, the school goals for the year, teachers' reflections from last year, and one more thing that I can't remember right now.  They all have different deadlines, and I'm really confused about the schedule for the next few weeks.  I hope it all gets straightened out when I show up on Friday.  In the mean time, I'll try to stop crying and tell myself that it will all work out.  I hope I'm overreacting, and it only gets better...

An Introduction

Hello all!

My name is Cassie, and I will be chronicling my adventures as a teaching intern this year.  I just graduated from Tufts University in May with a major in math and a minor in dance.  This summer I started an MAT program for math education, and this Friday I will begin my teaching internship.  I have been selected to intern at an urban, public arts high school for the entire school year.  The theory is I will get more experience by being in the classroom every day for a full year instead of only student teaching for a single semester.  The school where I will be working is an arts high school, so every student has auditioned and been selected to attend this high school, where they study academics and also their art, which is one of music, dance, theatre, or visual arts.  The teacher I will be working with teaches math and dance, as every teacher has to be able to teach both an art and an academic subject.  

As orientation day approaches, I am excited and scared.  There is still a lot I have to do before school starts next week.  I am a little overwhelmed, especially since I have to move and buy all new furniture too.  Anyway, here is where I will explore the mysteries of teaching, and I hope you will all help me out and support me in any way you can as I start out on this crazy journey.