Bad Day

So I made a lot of pretty bad mistakes on Friday. I am not proud of how I handled myself, and I am surprised at how quickly my personal life made me forget all that I've learned so far in my experiences. So I will try and analyze how and why this happened here.

I was in a mood Friday morning, and I was much more impatient than usual. I am generally in a good mood, and when students talk back to me, I usually break tension with a joke. My theory is that they'll know that I'm not mad at them and that they'll understand that I just want them to be productive. However, this Friday, I was very impatient and very frustrated. I was tired of students finding it acceptable to come late to class and be disruptive as they entered the classroom. I was tired of students expecting me to stop class so I could give them the materials they missed when they were absent for the past three days with no note. And most of all, I was really frustrated when several students tried to argue that they shouldn't take the quiz because they hadn't been here and hadn't learned the material. Is it my fault that they're always absent or late to class? No! And the audacity to expect me to be their peon and for them to take no responsibility for their actions.

Nothing in particular really happened, but I just didn't act like I normally do. I was not nearly as forgiving, and I felt very much as if I was telling them what to do without considering their opinions in a democratic manner. It's really easy to have lots of ideals, but it's really hard to stick to the all the time. If there's one thing I learned this week, it's that teachers always have to be on their game. They can't just stop in the middle of class and take a ten-minute break to regroup. They can't really have tired days, because they have to have energy all the time. They have to be able to deal with whatever is thrown at them without ever losing control. It can be really draining. It's not that I didn't know these things before, but it certainly made me appreciate how hard teachers work for their students.

Afterwards, I was glad I happened to already have a meeting scheduled with the intern advisor to discuss my professional development goals. It gave me a chance to refocus myself on why I'm in this program. I can't lose sight of those goals, even when everything else in my life seems to be absurd and out of control. I'm very glad I had such a good discussion with him, and I hope I can do these things this week.